


Sha Gojyo, Unplugged (2009)

by JennyB



Series: Advent 2009 [7]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Advent Challenge 2009, Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-07
Updated: 2009-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>En route to the next town, Goku throws down a challenge Gojyo just can't refuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sha Gojyo, Unplugged (2009)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kansouame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansouame/gifts).



> Written for Advent Challenge 2009. Prompt: Singing (raunchy) Christmas carols in Jeep.

For a change, it was a rather pleasant day. The sun was shining, and it wasn't too cold, which made it a good day for travel. Even so, the ikkou were still bundled up in their travelling cloaks as Jeep trundled along over the desolate ground. The four of them were anxious to reach the next town, and not just because they wanted to get out of the elements. It was because it was nearly Christmas day, and after Hakkai had told the others about the holiday, Sanzo had agreed to give them a three day stopover so that they could have their own little celebration.

Actually, Sanzo had originally told them to do whatever the hell they wanted to, and since Hakkai and Hakuryu were both staying in town, the blond had little choice but to go along with things - unless he wanted to start walking. That idea was infinitely less palatable than watching the others make jackasses of themselves, and so the priest had resigned himself to tolerating a bit of revelry and a lot of excited chatter from the monkey. And though he'd bitched about it when Hakkai had taught Goku several Christmas carols - mostly because the teen liked to belt them out at full volume and often off-key - he found he really didn't mind the songs. For the most part, the tunes were catchy, and to his chagrin, he'd even caught himself humming a couple under his breath when he'd been in the shower.

Now, about twenty minutes out of town, Goku had started up with his singing again. Sanzo exhaled heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose as he listened to the zealous caterwauling. Still, it was better then having the monkey griping about -

"I'm hungry! Ne, Hakkai? How much longer until we get there?"

The green-eyed demon chuckled softly. "Not too much longer, Goku. Just over this hill, and the one after that, and then we should be able to see the town."

"Cool. All these songs make me hungry, because they're all talking about yummy things. You know, chestnuts roasting on an open fire and all that stuff?" Like a poorly written segue, the teen broke into song. " _Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, meat buns right under my nose. Yakitori being grilled on the fire, and lots and lots of sweet cocoa..._ "

Hakkai laughed. "Um, I don't think the song goes _quite_ like that," he said. "But I appreciate the enthusiasm nonetheless. I'll try to hurry just a bit more so that you don't starve," he teased, and he pressed the gas pedal a little further to the floor.

"You're such a dumbass," Gojyo muttered as he ducked his head behind Hakkai's seat a little so that he could try to light a cigarette. "Everything has to be about food with you, doesn't it? Stupid monkey."

"Shut up, Gojyo, it does not!" Goku countered, and he smirked evilly and blew out the flame on the redhead's Zippo just after he'd managed to get it lit. He giggled a little to himself when he saw Sanzo's smirk in the rear-view mirror, and then he started to hum _Jingle Bells_ under his breath.

"You little bastard! I need my fix, man!" This time, he turned away from the teen, and when he finally lit his smoke, he exhaled triumphantly in his face, his grin widening when the action caused the other to start coughing - which, in turn, briefly silenced his singing.

"Gojyo, you're such a dick!" Goku finally managed, his voice slightly raspy. "Hakkai, do you have any of those candies left?"

"Yes, hold on." The brunet reached into his cloak and pulled out a bag of peppermints. "Here you go," he said as he passed the sweets back.

"Thanks!" The teen quickly unwrapped one and shoved it into his mouth, and he glanced sidelong at his seatmate and glowered. "I hope you get coal for Christmas," he murmured. "Two big lumps of coal you can shove up your ass!"

Gojyo snorted. "What is it with you and my ass?" he demanded of the other. "You call me the pervert, yet you're the one who seems to have the hots for my goods."

"Don't flatter yourself, you fairy! As if I'd find a stupid water sprite who waxes his chest even close to hot!"

"You little shit!" Gojyo exploded when he heard the snickers from the front seat. "You said you didn't see anything!"

"Sounds like there's a bit of unresolved sexual tension between you two," Hakkai remarked dryly. "Between Gojyo's frenetic grooming habits and Goku continually checking him out..." There was dead silence from the back, and the healer chuckled softly when he saw the horrified expressions on his friends' faces. "I give it five minutes," he murmured to the blond.

Sanzo snorted. "Better than nothing," he drawled as he reached for his own cigarettes. He was nearly finished his smoke when he heard the faint humming start again from behind him, and he rolled his eyes. "Fuck, I'll be glad when January comes."

Goku had finished his peppermint, and his throat was feeling much better now. He had returned to _Jingle Bells_ , by far his favourite song, and after running through the lyrics once properly, he smirked as he looked over at the redhead. " _Jingle bells, Gojyo smells, Sanzo's got a fan! The water sprite's not too bright, and he fell down on his can!_ "

"Fuck, you're stupid," the kappa said as he shook his head. "Those songs suck to start with, and you don't make them any better."

"They're really not that bad," Hakkai interjected. "And -"

"Yeah, like you could do any better, Shakespeare," Goku countered, talking louder to be heard over the healer.

"Shakespeare was a poet, not a songwriter, dumbass."

"Yeah, well... _shut up_! You're just getting technical because you know you can't do it!"

"Whatever." Gojyo paused to light a cigarette, and he said, "And I so can."

"Prove it."

"Any song I want?" When the teen nodded, the redhead grinned wickedly. "Well, I've always been partial to _O Come All Ye Faithful_. It sounds like the guys who wrote that _really_ knew how to have a good time!" He chuckled lecherously at that. "You know? _O come all ye faithful, slutty and erotic..._ "

Hakkai's eyes widened and he let out an uneasy chuckle. "Uh, Gojyo? It's actually based on a _religious hymn_." He sighed and shook his head in disbelief. "Only you could take something spiritual and beautiful, and turn it into something crass."

Gojyo laughed at that, and he took a hit off his smoke. "Thanks. But you think that's crass? You've not heard anything yet. I mean, shit Hakkai, half these songs are made for twisting around." He glanced at the teen next to him. "And I'm not talking about your playground potty-type humour that you like, either."

From the driver's seat, Hakkai groaned lowly. Now that Gojyo was on a roll, he knew that he wouldn't be easily stopped. Worrying his lower lip a little, he chanced a glance over at Sanzo, and he could see that the vein in his temple was beginning to throb. "We're only about ten minutes away," he said quietly in an attempt to assuage the priest.

"Drive faster," the monk growled in return.

"I mean, some of them are so easy, too. _I saw Mommy fucking Santa Claus, underneath the Christmas tree last night_." The kappa snickered at the incredulous look on Goku's face - and he completely missed the way Sanzo's hands balled into fists on his lap. "But that _Twelve Days of Christmas_ , it lends itself to this kind of shit. Lessee here..." He paused for a minute to smoke and think. "It's a bullshit long song, but the repetition at least keeps stupid monkeys occupied." He snickered when Goku half-heartedly tried to kick him. "But skipping all that and just taking the last verse where you've got everything? Yeah, I can do that one." Flicking his heater away, he cleared his throat, and sang, " _On the twelfth lay of Christmas, this hot chick gave to me: twelve lovers coming, eleven peckers pumping, ten whores still fucking, nine ladies lap-dancing, eight babes who'll blow me, seven subs for whipping, six boobs for licking, five gold cock rings, four flavoured lubes, three French ticklers, two anal plugs, and a hand job especially for meeeeee_!"

Goku just stared at the redhead, his golden eyes wide. Suddenly, he grinned. "Damn, Gojyo! I can't believe how fast you just pulled that out of your ass! Teach it to me!"

"'kay. _On the twelfth l-_ Ow! Damn it, Sanzo!" Gojyo complained as he rubbed the back of his head from where he'd been swatted with the harisen.

"I told you before, keep your perverted kappa shit to yourself!" The priest turned, and then gave Goku a similar smack to the back of the head. "And you - you know better than to listen to his crap! And if you're going to _insist_ on idolizing him, then I'm going to have to slap the stupid out of you!" When he saw the contrite look on Goku's face, he sat back down and scowled a little, beyond grateful to see the outline of the approaching town.

There was quiet from the backseat for a few minutes, and then Goku began to hum softly to himself again. Suddenly, he found the barrel of the Smith and Wesson pressed against his forehead, and he stopped. "S-Sanzo?"

"I've got a song for you," the priest growled. "Try _Silent Night_ because if I hear a peep from you before we get to the inn - _either_ of you - you're both going to be sleeping in heavenly peace with a bullet in your ass." He jammed his weapon back into his robes, and huffed irritably. "Morons."

From beside him, Hakkai chuckled quietly, and he downshifted as they entered the town. Within moments, he'd parked on the street in front of a nice looking establishment, and he hopped out of Jeep. He watched Sanzo make his way inside to register, trailed by a reasonably subdued looking Gojyo and Goku. Again, he laughed as he pulled the bags out of the back, and as Hakuryu settled on his shoulder he heard the sound of gunfire, and he smirked. It was going to be an interesting holiday, if nothing else. Humming _Joy to the World_ , he went inside to join his three friends.


End file.
